Tuesday, October 21, 2008

on getting happy.

First of all, watch the video.

Secondly, I want that video to be playing the whole time you're reading this entry.

I've been feeling good lately. That's a good thing. Obviously. But the more and more that I've thought about it, the more it's made me realize how much in my life is finally going right. I feel like there's a couple remaining loose ends I have to tie up, but I'm really excited about the direction everything is taking for me.

Basketball season is starting soon and I couldn't possibly be more excited. I'm definitely going to invest in the League Pass this year, both because I can and because I want to. I had my first practice yesterday, and I was a little nervous to be honest. My expectations are pretty high for this year, both for my team that I'll be coaching and for the Lakers. I know I just talked about the redundancy of expectation, but sometimes we just can't help ourselves: I want what I want and I want it now.

Coaching is definitely one of my favorite parts of the job, but insofar as other aspects, I'm feeling quite ambivalent. I like the fact that the job allows me such leniency; I can coach, I have semi-flexible hours, I get to hang around kids who teach me something new every day, and, obviously, I get the summers off. However, I'm rapidly feeling like the four-year max-mark that I previously ascribed to myself was an extreme overshot. I readily acknowledge that I pretty much feel this way at the beginning of every school year, but it feels like the malaise this year has gone on longer than it has in the past. And if I'm not happy with my job, that probably means that I'm not doing a good job at it. I'd rather quit even in the middle of the year than finish out a term half-heartedly. Part of this, I think, has a lot to do with my not taking a job for the election. While I'm ecstatic about what I think will be the outcome of the 2008 Presidential election I also can't help but think of a time four years ago when I was doing work that I thoroughly enjoyed, thought I was good at, and felt like I was a good fit for. Putting that in stark contrast with my job now, I feel like I'm all right at it, that I enjoy it a lot, but that I'm not all that good of a fit for. So that's made it tough, but I also think it might get better once Election Day passes.

Using that as a transition out of negativity back into the good stuff, I have to say that I couldn't possibly be more psyched to have a President I don't have to be ashamed of for much longer! This election cycle has seemed a bit long, but that might only be because I'm a political junkie and I was scouring for this sort of news up to two years ago. I'm ready for it to be over now, though, and for things to be relatively calm for a while.

Last but not least, my friends and family. The birth of my new nephew has been a great thing. I got to watch Monday Night Football with Johnny last night and his special lady friend and Nameless were there and it felt just perfectly right. I love getting to spend so much time with people who (to be dreadfully honest) I didn't rightfully appreciate until too recently. Re-connecting with some of my older friends is the next thing I need to focus on. I want to re-up my relationships with people who, for one reason or another, have been...out of my life for a while. The important thing is that I'm still talking with them, that I'm able to call them and chat, or get together and things are still good. And I think I'm on a good path for that.

This song is a big part of my first step in doing so. Matt and Kim's "Daylight" seriously puts a grin on my face every single time I hear it. I love this song. I love how happy it makes me. And I love the meta-self-awareness that I feel when I listen to it, think about how happy I'm getting, and how much happier that makes me.


Pam said...

First off, kudos for pairing your blog with a song. I totally love that idea. Marisa and I were just talking last night about creating a play that went along with music she wants to create...words communicate in ways so different than music, and adding music behind words communicates so much more, especially when it comes to mood.

I've been thinking a lot about the choices I make and how it seems that whatever I choose for work or school or whatever, a couple years in I feel like maybe I should be doing what I did before or maybe I should be doing something entirely different. Grad school is currently killing me, not because it's incredibly difficult but because sometimes it feels so utterly pointless and there's so many other things I could do. So, I totally get you when you say you're not sure about what you're doing.

Then again, I remember feeling like this before amid other things. Maybe I should go back to playwriting...but that became mental suicide so I left it. Maybe I'll always feel like I want to do something else. Is that our generation, because I've heard other people say that. Anyway, I think you are a person who can do many, many things well. I guess it's a matter of finding what it is you want.

Brando said...

Way to be homey, I like to see when the lives of those we care about all seem to be clicking. I was talking with Pete about it the other day, pretty much all of my friends are doing quite well. ET and I sold a car, so we're well on our way to getting completely debt free and paying for the wedding in cash. Financial freedom is my focus now, total life fulfillment coming soon.

Michael said...

@ Pam: Word, I used to do that (ya know...over there) a lot more. And yeah, I think the people of our generation are just way more likely to have more than one job in our lifetimes. I don't wanna work one job forever. Fuck that.

@ Brando: Hoopties. We are the best. :)